New Endorsement for McCain

The latest in the presumptive Republican nominee John McCain's presidential campaign is yet another endorsement. The approval of Alexa D. DeJoannis is a powerful statement that the Senator's appeal spans a wide American demographic. "John McCain does not represent just Republicans, or the military community, or his age group, or white men," said DeJoannis. "He represents other people as well. Now, with Hilary out of the running, her supporters need to take a look at McCain. They both voted for the war, both take an interest in immigration reform, and - this is a little-known fact - they both like soup."

McCain was "gratified and surprised" to receive the unsought endorsement from the young liberal, many of whose relatives were "shocked and grieved" to hear of it. "I thought we had taught her to never vote for a Republican," stated her mother, Diane M. DeJoannis. "Republicans don't care about the underprivileged." Her sister, Erica "Shmoo" DeJoannis, was reached on the Pacific island of Tuvalu for her comment, where she was performing at a ballroom-dance competition. "She's entitled to her opinion. I just don't think she really understands how bad a president McCain would be. Do we really want to stay in Iraq for the next hundred years? He also doesn't support abortion rights. Did you know that? I mean, do Republicans want to force women who aren't able to raise children to have them anyway just because they consider abortion murder? I think what Bush is doing in Iraq is murder. McCain will just continue Bush's policies." Her brothers could not be reached for comment, though it is believed that one of them is a Ron Paul supporter.

As national politics shifts focus towards November, McCain's campaign will be working to bring more independents into his camp. Though frequently stating his respect for the Democratic nominee, his believes his opponent does not have the experience necessary for the job. McCain will continue to accept endorsements from all sectors of society, and those of liberals are especially welcome.